The Waiting Game

Karl says one of the reasons we're going through this is because God is trying to teach me patience. I don't necessarily agree; I think God has other purposes, but I see his point. Everyone I have talked to who has gone through infertility says that the waiting is the hardest. For me, the disappointment is the hardest, but the waiting is a close second. I wait to start a new cycle; I wait until my day 21 progesterone check; I wait for the results; I wait for the next cycle, which as a pcos woman, is a long time.
I've been waiting for my next cycle to start since I found out in mid-January that I didn't respond to the Clomid again, and I thought it was finally here. I know that sounds crazy...I should know whether or not what's supposed to happen to signal a new cycle has happened, but this was complicated. I was "spotting," and I was hoping that meant I had started. However, after talking to the nurse this afternoon, I was told that a lot of people spot after taking Prometrium (a medicine I took for 10 days to bring on a new cycle) but that my actual period will probably not come until about 10-14 days after the last dose. The last dose was Saturday night.
I've been working on having a more positive attitude about all this, but days like today, when I feel completely defeated and disappointed, make it so hard. I keep telling myself, "What's 10-14 more days at this point?" The truth is that it feels too long when you're already dealing with a broken heart. It's 10-14 more days of waiting and feeling 100% helpless and stuck. Karl thinks God's trying to teach me patience, but I think He's trying to teach me trust. I am helpless right now. I have to be dependent on Him and have faith that He'll get us through this. God is our only way to parenthood, and there's nothing I can do that will get us to that point any sooner. I just have to trust that God knows the desire of our hearts and will fulfill that one thing I want more than anything.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12