1st Shot

We just did shot #1! The plan was that I was going to do it. I never thought that I wouldn't be able to. Needles don't bother me. Well, when it came time to jab that sucker in my tummy, I chickened out. I looked at Karl and started to cry (I wasn't scared; the reality of all this just sunk in a little). He gently took the shot from me and told me to look away, and then he did it as fast as he could.

I know this sounds crazy, but I love him more for doing it for me. He stepped up to the plate when I had to step down. Once again, in a moment of my weakness, he was there for me and did exactly what I needed him to do.

I know this might sound even crazier, but this did not go at all like I had imagined. I thought we would both be smiling and lighthearted and joking about it. Up until yesterday I had been so excited about these darn things. However, tonight when we were putting the shot together, it hurt my heart. In a not-as-rare-as-I-wish-moment of self pity, I got angry that God has put us in this situation. I was mad that I was having to sit there re-reading the directions for the countless time, that I was about to give myself a shot, that we're having to walk through this dark, lonely, depressing valley; I was mad at the whole situation. I know one day we'll look back on this whole experience as an example of God's perfect timing, but right now, in the midst of all this uncertainty, emotional turmoil, and fear, I feel lost. Getting pregnant isn't supposed to be this hard. So many people have told us, "Oh that's the fun part." I so desperately wish that had been true for us.