Broken.
Throughout this journey I have struggled with many emotions. I've felt sad, I've been angry, I've been afraid, I've felt lost. Today I realized the overall feeling from infertility that all the other emotions have splintered from: it's a feeling of brokenness. Your body is broken. Your heart is broken. Your faith is broken.
I also came to another realization. This journey has changed my heart. I have learned so many things through this that I never would have learned otherwise. Although I never would have picked this obstacle for myself, I believe without a doubt that God picked it for me. He created me with stubborn ovaries and a misshapen uterus. He placed the desire for children so heavily in my heart that there are times I actually feel it ache. He lined up certain people in my life at a specific time so that when this journey would begin, I wouldn't feel alone. He knew that struggling to conceive a child would hit me in the very depths of my soul. And before I even knew that this would be my path, He cleared it for me.
I might feel broken now, but God will put me put me back together. Although I won't be the same, I trust that I'll be better.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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