Yesterday was day 12 of my cycle, which meant it was my lucky day to start tee-teeing on sticks again. I did one test; a very, very, very faint line if you looked hard enough (I needed it to be a bit darker). I took on the philosophy "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." I waited about ten minutes (good thing my bladder is small); a very, very, very faint line (stupid test). I did one more; a very, very, very faint line (AHHHHHHHH!). Then I sobbed. And I mean sobbed! Why? Not sure. Maybe it's that I'm tired of doing everything right and still failing these tests, maybe it's that my hormones are once again screwy because of the medicines, maybe it was just frustration that what seems to come so effortlessly for others is so complex for me. Whatever the reason, I cried.
Today was day 13, which meant I got to continue the testing tonight. Tested twice and failed twice. I didn't cry tonight, but I did decide that I hate my ovaries. They are so uncooperative. For that matter, I also hate whatever that thing in your brain is that controls your hormones. If it would only do its job correctly, my ovaries would have a better chance of being able to do theirs.
So, in short, whether or not I surge tomorrow night doesn't matter. One way or the other, I will have to go to the doctor on Monday morning. They'll check to see if there are any follicles that are big enough to be triggered with an HCG shot. Please join me in praying there will be at least one follicle that is at least 1.8 cm so they can attempt to trigger ovulation for me. I just don't want another "no."
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