There are some things in life you hope to never experience. You don't want to understand the pain, fear, or personal changes that result from those dreaded experiences. You never hear anyone say they want to have cancer or they want to lose their job and suffer financial destruction or they want to get in a car accident and be paralyzed. We feel tremendous sorrow for anyone who goes through those nightmares, but deep down inside we just pray we never know what it's like to be them.
For me, infertility was one of those things I hoped I never would experience. In fact, I feared it so much that I prayed for years for an easy conception and a healthy baby. I'm embarrassed to say this, but one of the reasons Karl and I "waited" (you know what I mean) is because I thought God would reward that by not only giving us children, but by letting us conceive them easily. We all know that's not how God works though. Just wishful thinking on my part...
As hard as I try to express my feelings about our infertility experience, I just can't find the words to completely describe the heartache and darkness that fills your life because of it. That only adds to the frustration because even you can't define your feelings. They're too deep and painful to fully comprehend, and if you don't understand them, how can anyone else?
I don't think I'm alone in my fear of infertility. I think it's a fear that resides in most women's hearts. However, I have been amazed at how insensitive some people are about it. Here are some tips on dealing with your friends who are suffering through infertility...
Tip #1: Never say, "If you wouldn't think about it so much, it will just happen." This comment stings because an infertile woman normally has a lot of self blame about her problems, and that just adds to the feeling of "Can't I do anything right?!"
Tip #2: Don't be afraid to talk to your friend about her issues. It feels so good to confide in people, even if they don't know what it's like to go through this.
Tip #3: Don't say, "I know it will work out for you." Truthfully, you don't know it will happen.
Tip #4: Be honest with your friend if you are trying to conceive. Don't hide this from her, especially if she asks you about it. I understand wanting your pregnancy to be a surprise, but don't put your friend in that situation. Although she will be very happy for you, it still hurts her. She might need a little time to let those good feelings rise to the top. Give her that time. Be sensitive to what she's going through.
Infertility is a hard path to walk.
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