Loving this baby

We had an appointment today with my high risk doctor to look at my cervical length, but the sweet ultrasound lady did an ultrasound on my stomach first so we could see what Cooper was up to this morning. Last time we went for a cervical check, they only looked at my cervix, so this was a nice surprise. With each ultrasound I am more in awe of this little baby. The things he does, the way he moves, the rate at which he's growing all just melt my heart! Today my favorite part was seeing him yawn. I didn't know he could do that! As he yawned, we could see his little tongue moving in his mouth. We also saw that Cooper has chubby cheeks today, which he definitely gets from me, but it looks like he has Karl's mouth. It will be so neat to see who this baby looks like.

My cervical length was good. The only way to get a true measurement on cervical length is with a vaginal ultrasound, so I knew the measurement from last week at the ob's office was not truly accurate since it was done during an abdominal ultrasound; however, it was nice to think that my cervix had grown! My measurement today was the exact same as it was 3 weeks ago, which is good. There wasn't any shortening or funneling, and that is definitely a blessing. I hope it stays that way too! Dr. G. said once I hit 24 weeks, he probably won't measure anymore since the baby can survive if born after that point. My goal is to make it to at least 36 weeks, and I can't even tell you how excited I would be if I was still pregnant after my due date!

Blessed

Do you ever have those moments where you look around and are amazed by your own life? At times it seems so extraordinary that you can't believe it could be possibly be your life? I have these moments often. Sometimes I would have these moments when we were walking through our infertility journey, and the acceptance of the situation could bring immediate tears to my eyes. However, more often than not, these moments bring me a joy that fills every ounce of my being.

Many mornings when I walk into my classroom and the morning light shines across the room or I'm sitting in my rocking chair reading to my students and I look at their little faces, I can't believe that I'm living a dream I played as a child, where instead of a classroom and students I had stuffed animals lined up in rows in my bedroom and a little chalk board I used to teach them whatever crossed my mind.

After 4 years of marriage, I find myself quite often looking at Karl and being unable to believe I'm his wife. It feels like I should still be 12 years old staring googly eyed at him through the dining room window as he and the other boys who grew up on our street play baseball in the cul-de-sac in front of my house, and this life we've created together is nothing more than a fantasy I'm daydreaming about at that moment.

Tonight I walked into our guest room, which is where all Cooper's things are being stored right now until his room is ready for them to be moved into. Upon opening the door and turning on the light, I just stopped and stared. Clothes are laid out all over the bed in stacks based on their little sizes. Bathroom supplies, diapers, and wipes are in a corner. Toys and his stroller line the wall. Burp cloths, bibs, and blankets are piled in a chair. Are all those precious baby things really for my child? Has God really granted me this desire of my heart? I have similar moments every time I pass by a window or a mirror and see my reflection. The belly that sticks out is actually housing my son as he grows and develops. My son.

How humble my heart feels at these moments, and there are so many of them. With each dream come true, I can't describe how blessed I feel. As a little girl, I dreamed of being a teacher. As a young teenager, I dreamed of marrying Karl. But always, there was the dream of being a mommy. A dream I have longed for as long as I can remember and not-so-long-ago thought might always be out of my reach is now my reality. God has truly given me a blessed life.

The 4 B's of Pregnancy

1. Boobs

2. Belly

3. Butt

4. BIG

I love how my body is changing with this pregnancy, and I especially love that my first 3 listed B's have already grown so much! I know this feeling might change as the months progress, but I truly don't think so. I get great joy at looking down and seeing cleavage (never had that before) and looking back and seeing a butt. Of course my favorite is turning to the side and seeing the growing belly that sticks out!

19 weeks

Good Doctor's Appointment

We had our 18 week appointment today, and it went great. After the appointment a month ago when my cervix looked short and showed possible funneling, I have been very nervous about doctor's appointments! Today my cervix actually measured longer than it has at any point. God sure does answer prayers! I was so excited about the measurement that I was ready to dance around the room! :)

Little Man looked really great! I haven't seen him for 4 weeks now, so I couldn't wait to see him! Today we could see his stomach, bladder, kidneys, ears, and so much more. He wasn't doing his normal acrobatics for us, but he did kick some, roll over so we could get a good look at his spine and brain, and rub his face with his hand. While we were waiting I could feel him moving a lot, so I think he wore himself out before the ultrasound! It was precious to see him rub his face though. At one point he rolled on his side, and it looked like he was looking right at us. He measured larger than his age again today (he is now 7 inches long and weighs 1/2 a pound). Typically, he has measured 2-3 days ahead, but today he was 8 days ahead. The ultrasound tech said we might have just miscalculated my ovulation. I almost laughed because there was so miscalculating that with us! However, there is a possibility that he might have been conceived at home a couple nights before the IUI since he has always been a couple days bigger than the calculations show, and Karl and I like to think that's how it happened. :) I really got tickled when she measured his stomach. It measured 19 weeks, 6 days (keep in mind I'm only 18 weeks, 2 days). Little Man is going to be a chunk!! She commented that he definitely seems to be well fed!

As we watched him on the screen, I just keep thinking of all the prayers have been already been answered. He is a blessed baby to have had so many people pray for him all along, and Karl and I sure are blessed to have so many people-some we don't even know-pray for us and our baby.

Showered

I had my baby shower at school yesterday, and it was simply amazing! Everything was so beautiful, and the details in the decorations were incredible. When I walked into the room, I couldn't help but cry. I have never felt so overwhelmed by love. What a wonderful feeling!

My friend Beth (she teaches 2nd grade) painted this for Cooper's room. That Bible verse is my favorite!

This is the kindergarten group! These girls mean so much to me.

Back Left to Right: Casey, Heather, Karen, Luanne

Front Left to Right: Mindy, me, Denise, and Jesse

5 years ago God placed me at a school that would literally shape my new adult life. I was fresh out of college and looking to find my dream job. The first time I saw my school, I knew in my heart it was where I was supposed to be.

The people inside that building have become very much a family to me. God has used that school and the people in it to change my life. I can't imagine what I would have done during our infertility journey had I not had the friends in that building. They surrounded me in love, support, and encouragement day after day. It was an amazing feeling yesterday to get to celebrate this baby with them after such a long road to get there!

Thank you for such a special shower! Yesterday is full of memories I will cherish the rest of my life!

Updates

Here are a whole bunch of updates and pictures! I am going to try to start doing much better keeping the blog updated after this! :)

• Doctors' Updates: Our most recent appointment was on March 22nd. We met with our high risk doctor first and then my ob. We had met with them 2 weeks before that as well. The earlier appointment was a follow up from my cerclage. When my ob's office did my ultrasound and cervical length check for the follow up, the baby looked great, but my cervix did not. For whatever reason, my cervix was measuring very short and was showing that it was beginning to funnel (NOT GOOD!). We were then rushed down the hall to my high risk doctor's office. They have very advanced equipment there. Fortunately, their ultrasound measured my cervix a good bit bigger than the other one did and it did not show funneling. They both told us to come back for appointments two weeks later. Let me just say, that turned into a very long two weeks for me! Even though things looked much better during the 2nd ultrasound, I was a nervous wreck! At our more recent appointment, my cervix had shortened just a little bit, but it was still measuring well enough to please my high risk doctor. (Remember he's brutally honest, which I'm happy to know now. I feel like if there was a concern, he would have no problem telling me!). The high risk doctor did tell us that he has no reason to believe that this pregnancy will spiral downward. That's good to hear from him! Since he was happy was things, my ob was too. Naturally, I was still worried though. Why is it shortening this soon? What can I do to stop it? How will this effect this pregnancy? Will the baby be in any stress or trouble because of this? Our baby and this pregnancy are in God's hands, and I have to have faith here that everything will be perfectly okay. We go back to my ob on April 5th and the high risk doctor on April 12th.
• Baby Boy: At our 14 week appointment, we could see that the baby is definitely a boy! I didn't feel right posting the ultrasound pictures to prove it though. :)
• Pregnancy Stuff: Morning sickness and I never crossed paths! My gag reflex is stronger than normal sometimes, which makes brushing my teeth a little difficult some days. My energy is starting to come back, which is really nice. I was told to start sleeping on my sides. This is not going well because I've always slept on my stomach or back. Also, I have to get up at least once a night to go to the bathroom, and then I have the hardest time falling back asleep. It sometimes takes hours. Karl hasn't been sleeping well either (he gets my pregnancy symptoms sometimes too), and I am convinced that God is preparing us for a child that won't sleep! The main difference I have felt is hunger. I am always hungry, actually make that starving! Also, when we walk into restaurants, I get so excited about eating that my mouth fills up with saliva and I have to concentrate on not drooling. Now I know how Sadie feels when I give her her dinner! I have craved the unhealthiest things: chocolate cake with chocolate icing, cheeseburgers, chips, soft-serve ice cream with sprinkles, and lately it's been Mexican food. I could truly eat chips and salsa all day long. I'm a little concerned when this baby comes out we'll have to call him Juan because of all the Mexican food I've eaten! :)

17 week belly picture

• Registering: Karl and I registered last week and had a great time! I was a little scared to go because I thought I would get completely overwhelmed and then feel like a terrible mom for not knowing what we need! I looked at friends' registries before we went and talked to friends who had children, and I made a list based on what they said. That helped a lot!
• Cooper's Stuff: Here are pictures of some of the things Cooper has already gotten. I just get so excited thinking about him playing with and wearing these things!!!

Here's his bedding! I thought I would have a hard time picking out bedding I liked, but this was love at first sight. I also got the elephant mural/sticker from PBK to go above his changing table. I think we're going to do two large frames side-by-side above his crib and put two of his newborn pictures in them. We haven't gotten furniture yet, but I know we want dark brown.

I bought this diaper bag the week after we switched to Dr. H. last year. I was trying to have a better attitude and think positive, so I bought this as a little treat to help me get excited!

I love all this baby stuff! The blanket and toy are from Karl's cousin's family. The precious elephant bib and washcloths (seersucker, blue striped, and elephant) are from my friend Jesse, the pacifier clip (seersucker with putting greens) is from our friends Kathryn and Shane, and the booties are from my mom.

This is a the first outfit I bought him. :)

This is Karl's stuffed animal, La Mutt, from when he was little and a poem called "Why God Made Little Boys" from his nursery. I think it will be so special for Cooper to have these things in his nursery! 

Is this bear not the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?! Karl's Aunt Ellen sent it to us earlier this week. He is the perfect size and is so soft! I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I carry it from room to room with me so I can stare it. It really is that cute!

Here are Cooper's stuffed animals: the little dog blanket is from a little girl in my class (it is very, very soft), the sheep is from Karl's parents (I love it because it makes soothing sounds and has a timer to turn itself off after so many minutes), the frog rattle is from Maleah, and then there's the cutest bear in the world and La Mutt.

Roll Tide! Jennifer got him a little hat, booties, and elephant to get him ready for football season!

I have been an awful blogger lately! I don't update as often as I should, and when I do, my posts are ridiculously long! I promise I will do a good, happy, pregnancy update this weekend, but just not now.

In November, I typed about Dr. H. telling us that one day infertility would be behind us and the emotions I felt when she said that. It was impossible for me to believe that those wounds could ever heal. Even now, I often wonder if they will ever go away. Obviously, the pain is not as it was, nor are the wounds still as open, but they're there. I still feel the "sting". Karl and I are so blessed that infertility is now behind us. I know with time, any pain I still feel from infertility will all but disappear. The wounds will become scars, but the scars will always remain with us, just as they should. I learned a lot about myself, God, and what faith means during that journey. With time, I hope those scars will be something I wear with pride. I hope our story will show others that God is faithful even to the unfaithful.

There are many days when I am still amazed that I am pregnant. I just get overwhelmed with joy at knowing I get to experience such a divine miracle! You know how some people say they pinch themselves to make sure they're not dreaming... well, I carry around 3 pregnancy tests I took in December in my purse (yes, it's true!). I have a stack of ultrasound pictures and a noticeably larger belly, but for some reason, I find great comfort in those 3 sticks I peed on! :) Before we found out this joyful news, I had allowed myself to believe this would never happen for us. How thankful I am that God has control over what will and won't happen! I was never as hopeful or trusting as I should have been during our journey. Instead, I was easily so easily discouraged. I had such little faith that at times it was nearly impossible to see. I actually thought that God had forgotten me. Somehow, I was His forgotten child. And now as I sit here with a baby growing in me, I am so humbled by God's love. I was never forgotten; I was never even alone. In those darkest moments, God was with me.

A friend introduced me to a blog last year, and this particular posts weighed heavy on my mind today as I noticed all the beautiful life blooming in this new season. There is something about spring that truly refreshes the soul. All I could about was one word: Redemption!

http://conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com/2009/01/keeping-awake.html