Blessed

Do you ever have those moments where you look around and are amazed by your own life? At times it seems so extraordinary that you can't believe it could be possibly be your life? I have these moments often. Sometimes I would have these moments when we were walking through our infertility journey, and the acceptance of the situation could bring immediate tears to my eyes. However, more often than not, these moments bring me a joy that fills every ounce of my being.

Many mornings when I walk into my classroom and the morning light shines across the room or I'm sitting in my rocking chair reading to my students and I look at their little faces, I can't believe that I'm living a dream I played as a child, where instead of a classroom and students I had stuffed animals lined up in rows in my bedroom and a little chalk board I used to teach them whatever crossed my mind.

After 4 years of marriage, I find myself quite often looking at Karl and being unable to believe I'm his wife. It feels like I should still be 12 years old staring googly eyed at him through the dining room window as he and the other boys who grew up on our street play baseball in the cul-de-sac in front of my house, and this life we've created together is nothing more than a fantasy I'm daydreaming about at that moment.

Tonight I walked into our guest room, which is where all Cooper's things are being stored right now until his room is ready for them to be moved into. Upon opening the door and turning on the light, I just stopped and stared. Clothes are laid out all over the bed in stacks based on their little sizes. Bathroom supplies, diapers, and wipes are in a corner. Toys and his stroller line the wall. Burp cloths, bibs, and blankets are piled in a chair. Are all those precious baby things really for my child? Has God really granted me this desire of my heart? I have similar moments every time I pass by a window or a mirror and see my reflection. The belly that sticks out is actually housing my son as he grows and develops. My son.

How humble my heart feels at these moments, and there are so many of them. With each dream come true, I can't describe how blessed I feel. As a little girl, I dreamed of being a teacher. As a young teenager, I dreamed of marrying Karl. But always, there was the dream of being a mommy. A dream I have longed for as long as I can remember and not-so-long-ago thought might always be out of my reach is now my reality. God has truly given me a blessed life.