In November, I typed about Dr. H. telling us that one day infertility would be behind us and the emotions I felt when she said that. It was impossible for me to believe that those wounds could ever heal. Even now, I often wonder if they will ever go away. Obviously, the pain is not as it was, nor are the wounds still as open, but they're there. I still feel the "sting". Karl and I are so blessed that infertility is now behind us. I know with time, any pain I still feel from infertility will all but disappear. The wounds will become scars, but the scars will always remain with us, just as they should. I learned a lot about myself, God, and what faith means during that journey. With time, I hope those scars will be something I wear with pride. I hope our story will show others that God is faithful even to the unfaithful.
There are many days when I am still amazed that I am pregnant. I just get overwhelmed with joy at knowing I get to experience such a divine miracle! You know how some people say they pinch themselves to make sure they're not dreaming... well, I carry around 3 pregnancy tests I took in December in my purse (yes, it's true!). I have a stack of ultrasound pictures and a noticeably larger belly, but for some reason, I find great comfort in those 3 sticks I peed on! :) Before we found out this joyful news, I had allowed myself to believe this would never happen for us. How thankful I am that God has control over what will and won't happen! I was never as hopeful or trusting as I should have been during our journey. Instead, I was easily so easily discouraged. I had such little faith that at times it was nearly impossible to see. I actually thought that God had forgotten me. Somehow, I was His forgotten child. And now as I sit here with a baby growing in me, I am so humbled by God's love. I was never forgotten; I was never even alone. In those darkest moments, God was with me.
A friend introduced me to a blog last year, and this particular posts weighed heavy on my mind today as I noticed all the beautiful life blooming in this new season. There is something about spring that truly refreshes the soul. All I could about was one word: Redemption!
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