Our struggles through infertility are still very fresh on my mind and heart. As of earlier this morning, a basket on my kitchen counter was still full of my many pill bottles, syringes, alcohol wipes, needles for the Follistim shots, needles for the HCG shots, directions for the medicines, and my biohazard box that has all my used needles. Our file with all our receipts, prescriptions, and schedules (a file that can barely close because of the length of our journey...each paper in there is now a record of each step it took to get us where we thankfully are) sat beside the basket. A box of shots was in my refrigerator. My "How to Get Pregnant" and "How to Deal with Infertility" books were still beside the bathtub. My infertility bible study book was on the dining room table. From room-to-room, there were things that showed the many, many months our lives were marked and defined by our struggles to have a baby.
I obviously haven't held on to our infertility "souvenirs" because they bring back happy memories. It's almost like there's a disbelief that time is over and we finally can let them go. Can we really put that time behind us and close that chapter in our story?!?! I know one chapter always leads to events in another, so a chapter never truly ends, but it does feel refreshing and encouraging to know that we're now in a new, much better one. A friend of mine told me last year that the events that shape our hearts are rarely the ones we would choose for ourselves. I never would have chosen infertility, but I know I'm different because of it. Karl and I both are, and I pray we'll be better people and parents because of all we went through. I know at some point we'll walk with others through their infertility journey, just as so many others walked with us. We'll cry with them, pray with them, try to encourage them, and have a bond with them that we couldn't have had without those 18 months.
As I packed away our books and the many sweet cards we received during those dark days, put away our file, and closed the trash can lid on everything else, my heart filled with joy as I looked around at the pregnancy magazines on my coffee table, the pregnancy books on my bedside table, my new vitamins on the counter, and the ultrasound pictures and Congratulations cards on my dining room table. I know in 6 1/2 months, these things will be replaced with even better things: bottles, baby books, toys, pacifiers, and so much more. I don't normally enjoy cleaning house, but this morning it was just what I needed to do, and I loved it!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
ReplyDelete