Halloween

We knew Halloween was going to be very exciting this year with our new little pumpkin here to join in just in time!  Cooper went back and forth on dressing up as a fireman or Buzz Lightyear.  I was very excited when he decided on a fireman because I couldn't find a Buzz costume that I liked. :)  Plus, he's been obsessed with firetrucks this whole year, so I thought it was fitting for him to be a fireman to represent this year's passion!  He wore his costume constantly once it arrived, and we ended up having to send back the first one and getting a new one because he wore the first one out in less than a week!  Thankfully the company agreed that he shouldn't have been able to wear it out that fast and sent the second one to us for free!  My original plan was to make a dalmatian costume for Baby Jake, but then I nixed that as my due date approached and I had so many other things I had to do and when I realized that Jake was going to be just a couple weeks old and would be bundled in a blanket if he went trick or treating at all!  So, my little newborn just got dressed in a Halloween outfit with pumpkins on it instead!

One of the last things on my To-Do-Before-Jake-Comes List was to take Cooper to Boo at the Zoo.  We've gone every year, and he has enjoyed it so much.  That was the close-out activity the weekend before Jake was scheduled to come.  The walking around that went with it (along with all the cleaning and errand running I did that weekend) might have been my labor inducing activity, as I went into labor early that next morning!  Here are some pictures of Boo at the Zoo and the last pictures of me pregnant with Jake!  

Fast forward two and half weeks later, and here is my sweet little pumpkin, and his fireman big bro ready to do some trick or treating!

In the chaos of having a newborn and a wild 3 year old and Halloween being during the work week, we did not carve a pumpkin this year.  Shame on us!  Karl always does such an amazing job carving, but we just couldn't get it together enough this year to get it done.  Honestly, I was pretty proud that we all went trick or treating together!  Oh well...next year we'll do better!

Happy Halloween!

Oh Baby!

The greatest joy of my life has been the births of my boys.  Those first days of bonding with my new sons are the most special days I have ever lived.  There is just nothing greater in life than seeing that sweet face and feeling that soft breath on you after nurturing it inside your womb for nine months!  Here are some of my favorite pictures of those early days with our sweet Jake!

Brotherly Love

When they took us up to our room and got us settled, Karl brought Cooper in to meet his baby brother!  Cooper wasn't as interested in the baby as I thought he would be because my little observant child immediately noticed the present in the room and somehow knew it was for him.  We had gotten him some toys and candy to entertain him while he was at the hospital.  It worked!  Every now and then he would come to look at the baby and talk to him or rub my leg (my little sweetheart was worried about his mama), but mostly, he was more than happy to just play with his new stuff!

We always knew that Cooper would be a great big brother.  There truly was never a single doubt in my mind about that.  Since that first day, he has tended to him with such care, patience, and concern.  Every time he came to visit us in the hospital, he immediately checked on his brother before he did anything else, but he didn't want to hold him at first.  He loved looking at him and touching him, but he didn't want to be too close to him!

The last night we were in the hospital, Cooper came to visit for dinner, and he decided he was ready to hold his baby brother!  Karl was sitting on the sofa in the room with the baby, and Cooper had been admiring when he suddenly announced that he wanted to hold him.  I couldn't grab the camera fast enough!

Thankfully, the tenderness and love has only grown since we've been home from the hospital.  Although Cooper is going through an "adjustment" stage right now and not being the normal obedient child we're used to, he has been nothing but perfect with the baby.  He loves to help change diapers and bring me anything I need.  If Jake cries, Cooper is there with a paci.  Cooper loves to give sweet kisses and rub Jake's hair (which I do too...I had forgotten how soft newborn hair is!).  

One of the reasons I was most excited about having a second son was because of the bond that would form between the boys.  I just didn't expect it to start forming quite so quickly!  One of my heart's greatest prayers is that it will only grow throughout their lives.  

Jake's Birth Story

I feel like my whole pregnancy with Jake was just one answered prayer after another.  When I was still pregnant with Cooper, I prayed that our next child would be conceived naturally and we wouldn't need a specialist or any fertility drugs.  After a year and a half of trying on our own and then two failed Clomid cycles, Karl and I decided to wait several months before doing another medicated cycle.  Jake was conceived during that break.  After my first HCG test came back kind of low, I prayed for good numbers on the next test.  Prayer answered.  We got to see and hear the baby's heartbeat at our first appointment.  Prayer answered again.  After I failed my first glucose test, I prayed I wouldn't have gestational diabetes again.  I passed the next two tests.  One prayer after another was answered.  There was never a scare or nervous time of the pregnancy.  My cervix never was short or funneling.  My cerclage never threatened to not hold.  God was so good to us throughout the pregnancy.  As my due date neared, there were many prayers for a healthy baby and a delivery with no complications.  And there was one thing that I don't think I ever actually prayed, but it was a wish I held in my heart.  I wanted to go into labor.  Sounds crazy, huh?!  Cooper's birth was a scheduled c-section, and that's what the plan was for Jake as well.  I felt a little cheated that I didn't experience labor or a normal delivery and more than likely never would.  After talking to my doctor, I decided a normal delivery wasn't best for Jake or me, but I really wanted some part of the normalcy.  We scheduled a c-section, but I told Karl many times that I thought it would be "fun" to go into labor and to just know what labor was like.  I wanted that Honey, we have to go to the hospital, this is really happening moment.  As our scheduled date neared, I just kept hoping for nature to kick in first.  Our To-Do-Before-Jake-Comes List was finally down to those last minute things.  Mentally, physically, and emotionally, we were finally ready for our sweet baby to join us in a couple days.  As we settled in to bed after enjoying one last fun weekend as a family of three, everything seemed normal.  I was having random, sporadic contractions, just as I had been for several weeks (actually less than I had been).  I didn't think anything of them, and I even breathed a sigh of relief.  As much as I wanted to experience labor, I was relieved I had made it through the weekend because at my doctor's appointment the week before, my doctor had told me she was going out of town that weekend.  I told her I didn't like that because our pediatrician was also out of town that weekend, and I didn't like both of them being gone when I was almost 39 weeks pregnant!  However, the weekend was now over, everyone was home, and Baby Jake was still nestled in my womb.  Whew!  I don't remember if I woke up having contractions that were any more noticeable than normal during the night, but by 4:00 am, that had changed!  I woke up in a lot of pain, but the pain was mostly in my back.  I could tell I was having a contraction because my stomach was very tight, but I didn't think the back pain and tightness were connected.  I got up to go to the bathroom thinking that would help.  Normally, any time I changed positions or emptied my bladder, the contractions would ease, but not this time!  The pain was so bad that I felt like I should walk around some.  I tried walking around the house, laying on the sofa, getting back in bed, laying on different sides, but there was no relief.  As much as I had wanted to experience labor, and as much as I had been contracting for weeks, it did not occur to me that what I was feeling was real labor.  The back pain was throwing me off, but I decided that I would tell Karl that he shouldn't go to work that day once he was awake because clearly something was going on in my body.  As the pains continued, I debated waking up Karl, but I kept telling myself if this pain happens again, I'll wake him.  That became my labor motto, and I said that to myself many, many times during the next hour! Again I tried getting up and walking around.  The pains continued, and although they didn't last very long, they were happening way too frequently.  By the time I was hunched over the sofa doubled over in pain, I started to feel really scared.  Was I in labor?  Was this kidney stones?  What was going on?!  I didn't know I would feel contractions so strongly in my back.  I also didn't know that labor could be this fast!  My contractions were never far apart, but they weren't lasting very long either.  I decided to lay back in bed, truly terrified because I didn't know what was happening, and when the next contraction came, I woke up Karl and told him he should pack his bag.  At this point, it was 4:30 am. He groggily told me he would do it later that day, and I told him he needed to do it now because I thought I might be in labor.  He was out of bed, packing, brushing his teeth, and shaving faster than I have ever seen him move in the 18 years I have known him!  He kept telling me to call my dad to come over and watch Cooper.  I kept saying if it happens again.  I turned on the shower, only to find myself doubled over in pain as another contraction hit.  Karl asked what I was doing, and I told him I had to take a shower because I hadn't showered the day before and I would NOT go to the hospital without a shower!  He told me to turn it off because we didn't have time for that.  As I started to argue, another contraction hit, and I knew he was right.  I tried brushing my teeth, and there was another one.  I started just dropping toiletries and clothes in my bag because I couldn't even bend over to put them in.  I couldn't concentrate on anything except the pain in my back.  Karl kept telling me to CALL MY DAD and PLEASE GET READY TO GO.  I kept stalling.  Finally I sent my dad a text at 4:50 that said, "Are you up?  I think I'm in labor."  His response: "THINK??????"  I just didn't know, and all I could think about was in Father of the Bride II when Annie comes out of labor and delivery with her suitcase in hand and says, "You would think I would know what gas feels like at this point."  I was going to be mortified if I caused all this raucous, and I wasn't really in labor.  I was scared to go to the hospital and be sent home, and I was scared to go to the hospital and actually be having the baby that day!  Karl finally got me to call the on-call doctor.  I was trying to tell him what I was feeling and how I didn't know if this is what labor was like because it seemed so different than what I'd heard and I had a cerclage and didn't want the baby tearing through it and etc., etc., etc.  All the while, I was hunched over the island in the kitchen, unable to open my eyes because I was in so much pain.  The doctor was soft spoken, and I don't have the best hearing anyway, not to mention, I couldn't concentrate on anything at that moment.  I didn't understand what he was telling me to do.  Sometimes it sounded like he was telling me to go to my doctor's office when they opened, other times I thought he was saying go to the hospital.  I would repeat back what I thought he said, and then he would say something that sounded different.  I was already so confused by what I was feeling physically, and he wasn't helping me at all!  Then he said, "You keep repeating back to me the opposite of what I'm telling you to do, so just do what you want."  Already scared, already confused, already in denial that I might be having a baby very soon, and this guy says that?!  I apologized and told him I didn't understand what he was saying, so the jerk repeats the same rude remark.  I hung up and started to sob!  I told Karl that I couldn't have the baby because he might be the one delivering it, and he was mean, and I didn't know what to do, and I was in so much pain, and I just couldn't have the baby yet because I wasn't ready!  I was emotional to say the least!  As I laid curled up on the sofa, bawling crying, Karl calmly took control of the situation.  He called my dad.  He started timing the contractions, which had never crossed my mind to do.  He got me up to start packing again.  But I pulled my "one more time" trick one more time.  I convinced him to come lie down with me in bed, and if it happened again, I would get ready to go.  As soon as we laid down, it happened again.  He informed me that only 4 minutes had passed since the last one, and we really needed to go.  He got our bags together as I fumbled around the bathroom trying to find something to put on.  Finally I was dressed, and his patience with me was once again slipping, as I continued to stall and he continued to insist that we HAD TO GO! As I crawled into his truck, the sky was still dark, and I finally admitted that I did think this was actually labor.  I was so scared, but the pain was also so bad that I was finally ready to go to the hospital.  Karl turned his flashers on and we were off!  On the way, the contractions started getting even closer together.  I wiggled and squirmed, but I didn't make a sound.  I wanted everything quiet!  At one point, I did tell Karl that I thought I was going to throw up.  He told me to hang my head out the window.  I refused to hang my head out the window and changed my concentration from the pain to not throwing up.  When we got to the hospital, I crawled out of the truck and was immediately hunched over in pain as another contraction hit, this one just 2 minutes from the previous one.  I realized that I'd been biting my lower lip, which is what I do when I'm upset or apparently in pain.  I also realized if I didn't get an epidural soon, I might bite through my lower lip!  I looked at the doors of the hospital, which weren't far at all, but all I could think was I have to make it through those doors, and then I can collapse.  I walked as best as I could and made it through the doors and up the elevator, and then BAM!  Another contraction.  I hunched over, biting my lip, kept my hands on my knees, and told Karl to go figure out where we were supposed to go because I didn't have a clue and there weren't any signs.  He was back in just a few seconds.  Thank goodness we were on the right floor and just feet away from signing in!  The lady admitted me quickly (thankfully) and had a nurse with a wheelchair come get me (super thankfully).  They took me to the pre-op section of labor and delivery since we knew this would be a c-section.  She handed me a gown and told me to put it on and leave a urine sample.  I was to the point where I was easily agitated and these two tasks felt like she was asking the impossible of me.  Karl ended up having to come in and help me put the gown on and I just hung on to his shoulders as he snapped it up.  I had just dropped my regular clothes on the ground as I took them off, and he gathered everything up and helped me to the bed, where I literally collapsed.  They hooked me up to the monitors, started my IV, and began telling me that if my doctor couldn't make it in time, the on-call doctor (the one I had talked to on the phone) would do the surgery and not to worry because he was a great doctor and very nice.  I told the nurse that no, he wouldn't deliver my baby because he was a rude man and I didn't like him.  That is very unlike me to say so openly!  Proof of the pain!  The monitors showed that I was contracting every 1 1/2-3 minutes, and once again, the nausea started.  They handed me a little blue plastic bag, and right in the knick of time too!  I started throwing up with the contractions, and the pain was quickly becoming too much for me.  I asked for an epidural, and the nurse said I couldn't have one yet because they were having trouble getting in touch with my doctor, and my doctor is the one who would have to order it.  Oh the agitation I felt at that moment!  I didn't say anything and continued squirming in pain but staying silent and biting on my lip as a woman in another part of pre-op moaned and groaned and called to Jesus to help her (at first, Karl and I thought this was funny; as my labor continued, I felt sorry for her; a little further into labor, I wanted to stuff a sock in her mouth to shut her up!).  Finally after a few throw up sessions, the nurse took pity on me and put something in my IV to ease the pain.  It took my pain level back to where it was when we had first gotten to the hospital, and although it wasn't a big relief, it was enough to stop the nausea and throwing up and saved my bottom lip!  Finally, they were able to reach my doctor, and finally, I got my epidural.  Oh sweet relief!  I fell in love with the anesthesiologist.  He was wonderful, fast, and numbed me up so good!  My doctor came in shortly later (I doubt anyone has ever been happier to see her than I was at that moment) and went over our game plan with us.  In just a little bit, we would head over to the OR, she would remove my cerclage, someone would get Karl and bring him in, and then she would do the c-section.  I have never felt so calm--totally unlike me.  After all the emotions, fear, nerves, and preparations, I was finally ready to have this baby, and now I felt nothing but joyful anticipation.  It was time!  Things went exactly as she said they would.  They wheeled me to the OR, and I was beaming.  She removed my cerclage, and everything stayed lighthearted and relaxed, just the way I wanted it.  They brought Karl in, and I still felt so excited and so calm.  She commented that the baby was big, and I knew the surgery had started, and we were just seconds away from the birth of our son.  They pushed hard on my stomach trying to get him out.  He was nestled nice and tight and was not making it easy for them! And then it was the blessed moment you always dream of.  She held up Jake for us to see.  He was much bigger than Cooper when he was born. His hands looked huge. He had a head full of brown hair.  He was perfect.  But he didn't cry.  After a few seconds, I looked at Karl.  Karl seemed fine.  Everyone did.  But I was starting to panic--much more like me.  My doctor handed him to the pediatric nurse.  And then --finally-- he cried.  It was soft and sweet and short, and my heart calmed back down.  They brought him over to me to hold, and it felt like someone had placed Heaven in my hands.

I don't remember what I said to him as I held him, but I know it was one of the proudest moments of my life, and I just wanted it to last forever.  They took pictures of the three of us, and then Karl and Jake went to the recovery room while I got put back together.  The atmosphere stayed relaxed and happy; everything was perfect.  I was shaking pretty bad from the epidural, and then I got nauseous again as they took me off the operating table.  When I got to the recovery room, and they handed Jake to me, I immediately stopped shaking and the nausea was gone.  It was amazing.  They handed him to me, and I held him to my chest, and he started to nurse.  We stayed in the recovery room for about 1 1/2 hours, and he nursed the whole time.  It was all so beautiful and perfect and serene.  What a precious time as you hold and nurture your newborn baby for the first time!

There were so many answered prayers in that morning.  Our baby was healthy.  The surgery went great.  And I got to experience labor!  Karl had asked me (before my epidural) if I still thought labor was "fun."  I'll admit that I was wrong about it being fun to go into labor, but my-oh-my was it special.  I got my honey, we're having a baby today moment, and sure enough, we did!

When You're 39 Weeks Pregnant...

Things you should have already done by the time you're 39 weeks pregnant just in case your little one decides to come around that time:

• I highly recommend showering and shaving every day because how embarrassing would it be to go into labor in the early morning hours on the day after you skipped showering and shaving because you let everything else take priority over your cleanliness?! And just so you know, sometimes you don't have time to shower before you go to the hospital!
• Have your hospital bags as packed as you possibly can because packing at 4:30 am while in labor does not make for good packing.  You end up focusing on crazy things like an unopened pack of gum and not on more important items like your hairdryer and flip flops or slippers to wear in the hospital.
• Know where to go when you get to the hospital.  Labor is not a time to tour the hospital.  You would think there would be signs with arrows to lead you, but unfortunately that's not always the case and being left alone to contract because you cannot move any more while your husband goes to find where you're supposed to be is not ideal!
• Know the signs of labor.  Just because you've had a c-section and have another one planned does not mean nature won't kick in first.  Labor is scary, and it is not as obvious as you would think (because you might go into immediate denial that the horrible pain tearing through your body is labor and try to blame it on gas or kidney stones).  Google does not always answer your questions and on-call doctors are not always helpful.

I highly recommend checking these things of that endless To-Do-Before-Baby-Comes List before 39 weeks...

Because sometimes you go into labor around that time.

And your labor moves really fast.

And you end up with a sweet little bundle of joy that you didn't plan on arriving that day!

Our Baby Jake

7 lbs 8 oz

21 1/4" 

Cooper and Mommy's Special Day

It's no secret that I love spending time with my little buddy, and with our new little buddy set to arrive this month, I wanted to have a special day with Cooper before things get a little crazy.  Everyone I have talked to with more than one child (friends, family, random people at the grocery store, cashiers at the grocery store, neighbors, nurses at the doctor's office, etc.) have assured/convinced/promised me that even though it's hard to imagine being able to love and bond with another child as much as your first, that you truly do.  As everyone has said, your love only grows; it knows no limits.  They've also quieted my other fear of my first child no longer loving me because he has to share me.  Hormones and exhaustion and nerves bring out a very sane side of me, as you can tell!  Despite now believing that everything is not only going to be okay, but even better than it is now once Baby Jake gets here, I still wanted to spend some good quality time with Cooper beforehand because I know when Jake does come, my newborn will require a big portion of my time and energy in the beginning, which will be an adjustment for my little boy.  So, hence the reason for Cooper and Mommy's Special Day (and yes, I realize this was more for my own sake than Cooper's)!  Cooper and I have things we love to do together, and that's what our day was going to comprise.  He loves to help me cook, especially when it involves the big mixer and anything he can smell and help pour.  We love to do crafts together, especially when it involves getting paint on our hands.  Sometimes we go on lunch dates together, and my little cutie and I always have so much fun; plus, eating is a priority, and after baking and doing a craft together, I thought it would be nice to go out to eat rather than make an extra mess to clean up in the house!  And we all know that my little man loves the choo-choo park!  What better way for us to end our day than that!  A couple of my favorite friends, their children, Cooper, and I have a play date we have to attend in about an hour, so I have to wrap this up kind of fast!  

For our cooking activity, we made a fall favorite in this household: Pumpkin Bars!  It's one of those recipes that means something to you because of when/how you got it, and it becomes a tradition for your family.  This is probably the first "tradition" recipe that came to be for us, and I've made them every fall we've been married.  A mom from my second class introduced me to them.  That was my most challenging class, and this recipe is probably the best memory I have from that whole year!  I had never had pumpkin bars and ate one just to be nice.  Low and behold, I found out that day that I love pumpkin!  I sent a note home asking for the recipe, and she sent it back for me with a note of how they are one of her son's favorite things and how they make them together.  That didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time; now it does though.  It's not just a yummy, fall recipe; it's a true family recipe.  I love the way they taste, I love the way they smell when they're baking, and I love that they're easy and fast enough to make that Cooper can do it with me!

While our pumpkin bars baked, we went on the deck--still in our pajamas--to paint a pumpkin!  Of course our neighbors were outside with their dog at that moment.  My pajamas these days consist of a large t-shirt.  That's all.  The t-shirt isn't as long as it used to be since it has a lot more to cover these days.  I felt very classy.  Back to painting pumpkins...Cooper was sooooo excited!  At first he was thoughtful in what colors he picked and where they went.  He was concentrating very hard and had a system going.  But then the three year old side kicked in, and he started rubbing both hands around in the paint and mixing all the colors together, and then rubbing them all over the pumpkin.  He got a little crazy and even slung some paint as he worked, which made me so glad we were doing this outside.  By the time the timer went off for the pumpkin bars, we had a beautiful, fully painted grayish pumpkin!  He was so excited about it, and it makes me smile inside and out every time I look at it!

After a snack and showers, we started talking about lunch.  I asked him what he wanted, and he said, "Zeezuh!" (pizza)  I thought that sounded pretty good too, so we went to a local pizza place for our date.  We sat on the same side of the booth and ate delicious pepperoni pizza.  We looked through all the pictures on my phone, and I felt so proud and sentimental at the same time.  My phone is almost 2 years old, so my pictures go back to when he was 16 months old.  There's a lot of fun stuff on there to say the least, including pictures of my positive pregnancy test with Jake and several ultrasound pictures.

Today was just what it was supposed to be--our special day.  As much as I have loved and cherished my time with just Cooper, I am looking so forward to what our new special days will be like when Jake is here to join us.  I can't wait for both boys to help me make pumpkin bars in the falls to come.  I love the idea of both of them painting pumpkins and slinging paint around on a crisp, beautiful fall morning. I can't wait to sit in a booth looking across the table at my two sons on a lunch date.  We have exciting times ahead of us for sure!

But for now, I need to hustle on over to the choo-choo park for a little more special time!

Full Term

How far along: 37 weeks 

Total weight gain: 31 pounds

Maternity clothes: Absolutely!  And, well, honestly, they're getting a little snug these days too.

Stretch marks: Amazingly enough, no!

Sleep:  Oh, how I miss sleep!  Between being 9 months pregnant, Cooper randomly calling for his mommy during the night ("Mommy, I want you!!!!!"), and Karl's snoring (his allergies are really bad right now), a good night's sleep seems impossible!  I typically get up at least twice to go to the bathroom, but there have been nights that I've gotten up six times to go.  That would be bad enough, but sometimes I have the hardest time going back to sleep.  I'll be awake for over an hour just trying to get comfortable and fall sleep.  It drives me crazy!  Thank goodness Cooper still takes naps, and I can lay down with him for a little bit every day.  

Best moment of this week:  Just knowing Jake is now a full term baby!  I remember very clearly sitting in our fertility doctor's office almost five years ago (can't believe it's been that long ago) and her going over the risks associated with having a T-shaped uterus.  They were all risks that our unborn child would face because its mama had a misshapen uterus.  I sat there feeling so sad, scared, and ashamed.  But God is good...so very, very good...and by His grace, I have now carried two little boys to term with no complications from my screwed up uterus!  

Food cravings: I have been loving Greek yogurt and cucumbers with hummus!  I eat that almost every day, and I'm very unsatisfied on the days I don't!  We used to joke that I ate so much Mexican food with Cooper that we should name him Juan.  I guess this is my little Greek baby!  I still have a very soft spot for big, soft, chewy chocolate chip cookies.  It's just hard to find one that is just right.  However, Chick Fil A does a very good job of making a fantastic chocolate chip cookie that satisfies this Big Mama!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not food, but I've become very sensitive to feeling car sick if I read in the car.  This started back in August.  I've noticed that I can't read anything at all while I'm in the car or I start feeling very queasy.  

Have you started to show yet: I'm huge.  There's no other way to describe it.  And people are so sweet.  Everyone asks when my baby is due, and everyone tells me how great I look for being so far along and that I don't look like it's my birth month.  For a long time, I was flattered and thought maybe the hugeness was just my imagination, but every time I saw my reflection, I thought, "Wow, that's a big belly!!!"  And it just gets bigger by the day!  So now I've come to accept that people are just sweet to pregnant women and don't really mean the kind words they're saying, and truth be told, I would rather them lie to me than tell me that yes, I am in fact huge and it is a wonder that I am only having one baby despite how incredibly large I look!  It has definitely restored my faith in mankind.  People truly are good at heart, and big ol' pregnant women bring that out for the world to see!

Gender: A sweet baby boy

Labor signs: Every now and then my body will get a little overly excited with contractions, but for the most part, I just have random, sporadic Braxton Hicks contractions.  Last week I started having contractions, and they were becoming more and more regular and closer together.  I was sitting on the sofa trying to stay in complete denial that I could possibly be going into labor when Karl said, "Are you nervous??!!"  Although I realized I wasn't really nervous (thanks to the denial), I could tell he was, and it made me laugh. 

Belly button in or out: It is totally poking straight out, and it looks so funny!!  It looks like someone took my belly button and literally turned it inside out!  As Cooper says, "Mommy's belly button closed!"

Wedding rings on or off: They are off, as is my watch.  I only made it a few more days after my post at 33 weeks when I decided it was best to put them away for now.  I'm not nearly as swollen as I was with Cooper, but I'm obviously bigger all over this time.  

Happy or moody most of the time: I still love being pregnant and would prefer being pregnant over not being pregnant, but I am getting pretty uncomfortable at this point.  Jake is doing his job and growing big and is taking up a lot of room in my body!  However, I love having him with me all the time, so that keeps me pretty happy.  I haven't been moody in a grumpy sense, but I have been increasingly sensitive about the way our lives are about to change lately.  I have pre-baby jitters, which give me a nice little cry session at least once a day.  I worry that Cooper won't be as close to me after Jake is born.  I worry that I'll never bond with Jake the way I have with Cooper.  I worry that Jake won't love me the way Cooper does.  I worry that I won't be able to love Jake as much as I do Cooper. I'm just feeling very anxious and nervous about how to be a good mom to both boys and whether or not I'll be the mom they need me to be.  My greatest fear is that one or both them will never know how much I love them and how my heart beats for them.  I know once Jake is born, all of these worries will disappear and I will fall madly in love with him just like I did with his big brother and that the love between all of us will be bigger, stronger, and deeper than before because there will be another little person in our family.  I know the bonds will form over time between Jake and me and Jake and Cooper and that we'll all make special memories with each other.  I know I will love my boys equally, but not the exact same because they are different.  I will love them for who they are.  I know all of these things.  BUT... for today, my heart is nervous, anxious, excited, and scared.  At some point this month, I'm having another baby, and the reality of that miracle happening is a lot to digest!

Looking forward to: Seeing this little man in action as a big brother!  He loves his baby brother a whole bunch already, and although I know the beginning may be a little rough as he adjusts to not being an only child any more, he is going to be such an awesome helper and protector of this baby.