A February to Remember

The story of Little One #2 actually begins at the end of January.  When my cousin and her children came to stay with us while our husbands took advantage of the last weekend of deer season, we had a big heart-to-heart one night.  I told her of my desires for another baby but the fears that were there too.  I told her, through streams of tears, of how I was scared I wouldn't be able to be a good mother to two.  What if I didn't love my second child as much because how is it possible to love something as much as you love your one and only child?  What if Cooper didn't feel my love any more because he was sharing me with another?  What if I preferred one child over the next?  As I poured out my heart and wept over these silly things that I've heard every mother say (but never understood before), I felt a peace.  For almost 2 years we had been trying for another baby, and that night, there was peace.  Another baby would come when another baby should come, but I was fully content to just be Cooper's mommy for now.

Fast forward a mere 48 hours later...

Karl and I were talking about nothing in particular, and I told him my ovaries were hurting like they did when I was on Clomid.  (Quick rewind: We had done a Clomid cycle this past September and again in November.  Both times I ovulated with 100 mg, but neither time resulted in a pregnancy.  We decided to save our last Clomid cycle with my ob before having to switch to a specialist for this summer.  Yea that we don't need that last round after all!)  My ovaries felt heavy, and I was crampy.  I still had my ovulation predictor test from November, so I decided to see if what I thought might be happening was indeed actually happening.  The test was positive (on day 20 of my cycle...amazing!)!  To emphasize how significant this was, this was my FIRST time in my memory that I ovulated on my own.  No drugs.  No doctors.  Just God making these crazy hormones do their thing...correctly!  We weren't prepared for this.  I hadn't been taking my vitamins.  Stephanie and I had enjoyed plenty of wine that past weekend and even a mojito the day before!  I had been having at least two cups of coffee a day.  All the things I did "right" when I was trying for Cooper, I had not been doing!  But we tried.  And then we waited.

It was a long wait.  Every day I had a list of reasons why I thought it hadn't worked, but I also had a list of reasons why I thought it had.  I don't know how many times a day I said to Karl, "I know I'm not pregnant because..." Within no time, I would follow that with, "Well, I could be because..."  It was all I could think about, and I didn't want to settle on just being happy that I ovulated like a normal girl.  After our journey through infertility with Cooper, I was tired of having to accept the little victories.  I knew what the big victory felt like, and that's what I wanted.  That's what I had prayed for.  I think my prayers for #2 began before Cooper was even born or very shortly thereafter.  I did not want to go through what we'd been through again.  I prayed that our next baby would "just happen."  If God wanted us to do all the treatments all over again, we would be obedient, but my prayer was to let our next baby be just between us.  During the two weeks that we waited to see if I had gotten pregnant, I clung to all the ways God has shown me His divine faithfulness in my life.

On Sunday, February 10th, Karl was at work and Cooper was napping.  I was cramping, my lower back hurt, my boobs were incredibly sore, and I was so bloated (to the point that I thought my metabolism had slowed down since I'm almost 30 and I was going to start having to exercise...and we all know how I feel about exercising!).  I decided to take a pregnancy test, even though I knew I should probably wait at least another day.  Right after I took it, I closed my eyes and decided to start counting as I held the test in my hands.  I guess I wanted to delay the stab of another negative test.  I got to 20, and decided to go on to 30.  At 30, I decided 50 was a better stopping point.  At 50, I had to force myself to open my eyes.  My urine was still moving across the screen!  However, all the sudden, a faint line started to appear next to the testing line.  My hands started shaking and my heart started pounding.

There were two lines.  

As I came out of our room and was rounding the corner to the kitchen, Karl was rounding the corner to come out of the kitchen.  I hadn't heard him come home, so I jumped when I saw him.  This was our conversation:

Allison: "When did you get home?!" 

Karl: "Just now.  What's wrong??"

Allison: "I think I'm pregnant!"

Karl: "Why?"

Allison: "Because there are two lines!"

Karl: "Let me see..."

Allison: "Karl, I can count to two!  There are two lines.  The pregnancy line is faint, but it's there.  A line is a line.  That means I'm pregnant!" 

I showed Karl the test, and he immediately went into "cautiously optimistic" mode.  I, on the other hand, threw caution to the wind.  I was elated!  There are no words to go with that feeling when you find out there is a new little life within you.  It's the feeling of life at its highest.

That night for dinner we went to the same restaurant (different location) that we had been at when I found out I was pregnant with Cooper.  And there we were...3 years later with a precious two year old and another one on the way.  A family of 4.  It just felt totally surreal.

The next day I called the doctor's office, and the following day I went in for blood work (HCG and progesterone check).  When my results came back later that day, the nurse called to say that I was "a little pregnant."  My HCG was kind of low, which immediately led me to the internet.  Normally, the internet just increases any worry you could have, but the charts online showed that my number was right in the middle for someone 4 weeks pregnant, and I was 4 weeks to the day.  I went back 48 hours later for a re-check, and my HCG had more than doubled, as it should.  We kept up this fun routine for the next couple of weeks, and at 6 weeks, the last day of this wonderful month, we had our first ultrasound.  We got to see our little pumpkin and see and hear its beautiful heartbeat.  Oh, the beauty in that sound!

Little One at 6 Weeks

Mama and Baby at 5 and 6 Weeks