One

My little baby is going to be one soon. Unbelievable.

It's been a sentimental day in this house. So many times today I've caught myself gazing at my little boy and thinking, "This time last year you were in my belly." Now he zips and zooms through our house from one room to the next, always ready to move some furniture (he loves to push the chairs and stools through the house), slam some doors, or tear up (or eat) whatever strikes his fancy. This time last year he rolled from one side to the next in my womb, pushing his foot and knee and elbows firmly against his tight surroundings. Tonight he ran across his crib as we played our peek-a-boo game. This time last year I had never even held him. Now I'm about to sneak him out of his crib (once I'm sure he's good and asleep...made the mistake lately of going in there too soon...) and rock him for a little while.

I've played his birth day through my mind so many times in the past week. So many bits and pieces of that day stand out so vividly in my mind. Karl and I woke up at 1:30 in the morning, and neither one of us could fall back asleep. Once we got to the hospital, Karl dropped me off at Labor and Delivery and went to park our car. I signed in, was shown my room, and given my gown. As I changed clothes, I remember thinking, "This is it. We did it!" Cooper was a full term baby as we had prayed he would be. By the time Karl found me, I was already in the bed hooked up to the monitor. We spent the next two hours chatting with our nurse, getting the epidural, having my cerclage taken out, and signing all the paperwork. Then it was time. As they wheeled me to the operating room, I was overcome with emotion. All of the sudden I was so scared of the surgery, and the magnitude of what was about to happen produced a waterfall of tears. I cried the whole time I was in the OR. The tears were a mixture of fear of the surgery, relief that the pregnancy was over, sadness that the pregnancy was over, and pure joy of meeting our baby. When I saw Cooper for the first time, I couldn't believe he was ours. He was so beautiful and perfect. His cry was so loud, and he cried for quite awhile to show us that his 37 1/2 week lungs were fully developed! I held him briefly before Karl took him to show our families. When I held him again in the recovery room, I just couldn't believe he was here and he was ours. We had our baby, finally.

Now here we are a year later. It's been quite a year. A wonderful, crazy, amazing year. We've had ups and downs, successes and disasters, and lots of laughter and tears. I wouldn't trade a second of this year for anything, and I would happily live it all over again if given the chance. I spent the 27 years of my life before Cooper wanting to be a mommy and the 18 months before he was conceived praying and begging God for the opportunity to be a mommy. I spent many days daydreaming about what it would be like to be a mom, to have a child. In all my dreams, I never could have imagined it would be so wonderful. I love being a mom. I love being Cooper's mom.