Watched

For Mother's Day this year, my friend Denise gave me a book called Mother to Son. It's a sweet little book with simple advice on raising boys from babies to men. Some tips are funny like this one in the Leaving Home section: "Remind him that beer is not one of the major food groups." I have a feeling deep down inside that this is a lecture I'll have to have with Cooper one day! :) Most of the advice is just good ol' fashion words of wisdom ("Teach him to hang up his clothes..."). And then there are some really sweet tips, one of which I've already learned to be true:

"Don't forget, as a baby, he will always be looking for your face. It will be this way forever."

I know better than to believe that I will always be the face he searches for. One day some pretty little girl will catch his eye, and he'll be looking for her face, not his mama's. But for now, he looks for mine, and I treasure this time.

Today Cooper and I went shopping. As a lady was admiring Little Man, she made a remark that I have heard countless times lately: "Look at him just looking at his mama!" Cooper's eyes were on me, as they seem to be all the time now. I love to see those sweet blue eyes fixated on me, and even more, I love how he smiles when I look back at him. After she said that today and I realized how much Little Man watches me, it made me wonder, what does he see as he watches me?

Does he see gentleness? Does he see kindness? Honesty? Humility? Compassion? Courage? Joy? Integrity? Patience? Respect? All the other virtues I so hope to instill in him?

Or...

Does he see impatience? rudeness? spitefulness? selfishness? greed? All other characteristics I so hope to NOT instill in him?

By no means am I anywhere close to perfect, and I hope Cooper sees that. He can learn much from my imperfections, but I hope he sees me try to right my wrongs. I hope he sees someone he can admire. As he watches me, he will see my sin, just as he will see my goodness, but I hope when he sees me look back at him, he will always see a love for him that is incredible and full and unconditional.

That reminds me of another tip in the book: "At times, you will be blown away by the depth of your love for him." So very true.